10 - Facial Hair

Ever since I discovered I could grow facial hair, I've been trying to grow every type of facial hair design. So far, I've only managed to be good at chin straps and dirty goatees. But I have vowed to grow a full crazy goatee like Tony Stark from Iron Man before I die. And if I die before that happens, then I promise to continue growing it in Purgatory.

In my mind, facial hair + penis = manliness

Since I'm at least decent at growing one of those things, it's time to work on the other. So that's why I need good facial hair. Like most guys, it all starts with a greasy, pussy little moustache. (lol greasy pussy)

Then maybe some good sideburns.

And if you're lucky, you'll get a little chin hair action. I feel like I'm almost an expert at this. I even vowed with my friend Paige that I would continue growing my chin hair until I can braid it.

Infact, it just looks like you're growing a bunch of pubes on your face. People may wonder if you have extra genetalia somewhere under your hair, or hidden in your mouth, due to the massive amounts of pubes you will soon recieve if trying to grow facial hair for the first time.

And you'd think that by combining all of these, it would equal a full beard... but it doesn't...

Hopefully I'm not the only one that suffers this, but there are parts on my face that won't grow hair. For example, my moustache is never a full moustache. It does, however, tend to grow like a fucking Hitler-stache, meaning it's good at growing just in the middle. This is convenient as I am part German. But nonetheless, I can't grow a full moustache at the moment.

Also, there are bald patches that would be used to connect the hair from my moustache to the hair on my chin. But sadly, those parts of my face seem to have gone through chemotherapy and are hairless. Therefore, I cannot grow a full goatee at the moment. I am only seventeen, so I guess I'm overblowing this whole thing... but GOD DAMNIT I WANT KICKASS FACIAL HAIR.

When shaving, your face appears to be silky smooth. But usually by the next couple of days, it feels like a bunch of nails. It gets pretty rough and prickly. After some time, it will have grow to a length long enough to collect grease. Now your facial hair feels greasy. Good job. With this in mind, one must be careful when shaving pubes or ass hair. It will be very painful. You'd be better off having a porcupine live in your underwear for a week. When tending to your porcupine, the only good excuse is that you're "feeding your penis." Watch the ladies come running.

I totally failed at drawing this kids' face...