One of my earliest memories was when I first started my hobby of drawing. I must have been about 4 years old when this happened. I was just sitting at the kitchen table, doodling random shit like I always have my entire life, when I decided to draw something a bit more realistic. I decided to do a self portrait of... well, myself! I guess I lost interest in drawing dinosaurs and monsters pretty quick. About half way through my masterpiece, my older sister came by to see what I was drawing. So I showed her. It kinda looked something like this...
I swear it's the first picture I remember drawing, ever. I think I got in trouble for it.
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When I was young, I was easily persuaded into believing what was cool, and what wasn't. Back then, Captain Underpants was the shit. Looking back now, it's kind of a ridiculous comic series... but if anyone got a hold of a Captain Underpants book, they were worshipped. Luckily, my older brother was leet enough to have some lying around at home, so I thought it'd read it one day. Actually, I never read comics. I just looked at the pictures. I happened to have a sucker in my hand at the time. So I was reading Captain Underpants while eating this sucker (I think it was grape flavoured). After some time, I accidentally sucked the sucker right off of its stick [insert gay joke here]. I kind of shrugged it off. It wasn't a big deal, right? I mean, who needs the stick anyway? So I keep eating the sucker, which is more of a sphere of hard candy now, while reading Captain Underpants. Suddenly, I unintentionally let the candy slide down my throat. It was stuck there.
"What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fu-"
That about sums up what was going through my head at the time. I tried swallowing the sucker, but it only got lodged in deeper. I was panicking like a mother fucker. I probably sounded like one of the Martians from Mars Attacks. I bolted upstairs into the kitchen where my mom was cooking dinner. Due to my inability to speak, I just pointed at my throat. My mom quickly gave me the Heimlich maneuver and I spat up the slimy piece of candy into my hand. I thought about putting it back into my mouth so I wouldn't waste such a delicious treat, but I didn't want a repeat of what just happened. I threw it in the garbage and went back downstairs to my room. I considered continuing the Captain Underpants book, but it was stained with purple-ish, grape flavoured saliva. My brother wasn't too happy about me choking and gagging all over his comic book.
In other news, I bought tickets online to see Primus live in concert on September 28th. I am beyond excited.
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